Driven: Missouri 59

McDonald County, Missouri, once succeeded from the Union. Not in 1861, as was popular at the time, but in 1961. You know, the same decade we flew to the Moon and back.

The most Southwestern county in Missouri was once a thriving tourist destination. When accidentally left out of the yearly Family Vacationland map published by the Missouri State Highway Commission, residents were rightly enraged. What to do? No, not incest. They formed the McDonald Territory, complete with its own postage stamps and militia, to make sure you enjoyed the Hell out of your visit.

[McDonald Territory on Wikipedia]

Through most of the Territory's original firebrands have likely died of cirrhosis and accidental gunshot wounds, much of the original roadside appeal remains. The main artery within this throbbing heart of Ozark tourism is Missouri 59, a 13-mile ribbon of pavement that winds its way from the Arkansas border up to Anderson, Missouri.

[Missouri 59 route on Google Maps]

The first sight for a Northbound traveler is Stateline Liquor, a rock-clad station adorned with a kitschy send-up of Li'l Abner. Hyar' tis, y'all. Frighteningly, the half-done overalls and jug of moonshine are fairly representative of a few contemporary locals.



Closer to Noel, MO, are some fine examples of mid-century motor inns like the Starlight Motel and Bell-Aire. When photographing the latter, three grizzled men in flannel exited the office and were very concerned that I was taking pictures of their quaint motel. After a brief exchange of grunts and musket fire, I made a hasty retreat. But hey, there's no need to stick around when there's so much more rustic charm to enjoy.



Indian Creek Roadside Park features Flintstone-esq native stone tables perfect for lunching on a dinosaur sandwich. There you can also read a historical marker describing the county's legacy of "bitter dispute" and clashes with U.S. Marshalls, "slickers," and Northern aggressors. Sadly, the scrappy pro-Southern county was unable to reverse the tide in the War of Between the States. You can see in the picture where a local rebel spray-painted his displeasure with the outcome. Can't win 'em all.



Still, I have to be fair. This section of Missouri 59 is a beautiful drive lined with curiosities, relics, and in-your-face scenery. At points, the highway is sandwiched between the Elk River and rock bluffs that hang low over the highway, one of the most brilliant sights in the Ozarks. While small towns like Noel and Lanagan are hard-luck shadows of a forgotten tourist trade, they maintain a character lost elsewhere. Few chain stores have invaded, leaving the existing developments occupied by an odd mix of homespun rural and Hispanic businesses. Even the old-fashioned wooden posts remain at the road's edge instead of dull steel guardrails. Missouri 59 is curvy, scenic, unique, and a bit retrograde, which makes it 100% Ozarkbahn.



Traffic: average
Driving challenge: a few good curves, but more views than thrills
Purty mouth: definitely better not have one
Locals: you ain't from around here
Ozarkbahn rating: hootenanny deluxe

Over the River and Through the Ozarks

In my earliest teens, there were only two things to do: go through puberty, and play Oregon Trail on the Apple II.

While hunting buffalo and getting dysentery on the 'Trail with your digital pioneer family, you often faced the biggest challenge on your way to the West: river crossings. Unless the ferry suddenly started accepting delicious buffalo meat, there's no way you could afford that. "Do you want to ford the river?" Hell yes, let's do this. Inevitably, your poorly-caulked wagon capsized, all your oxen drowned, and the surviving family members died of dysentery. A macabre way to go.



Fortunately, bridges over rivers have become high fashion since 1848. The fun part about the older spans is that they're among the few relics that you can drive a car onto. Genuine drive-through history, and the Ozarks have them in spades.

Powell Bridge - Big Sugar Creek

[Powell Bridge on Bridgehunter.com]
[Joplin Globe - Group Saves Historic Bridge]

A WWI-era truss held together by rust, Powell Bridge has been marked for replacement once already. A concern local effort preserved it (for now), but it's worth visiting before time or progress final claims it. The bridge requires a short detour off highway Missouri-E in Powell, which prevents it from having the same star power as the more recognizable War Eagle Mill Bridge of similar age. However, the light traffic allows you to walk the wooden deck and absorb a serene view of the turquoise-colored Big Sugar Creek.


Lanagan Bridge - Indian Creek

[Lanagan MO-EE bridge on Bridgehunter.com]

Just outside Lanagan, highway Missouri-EE crosses Indian Creek on a narrow, ornate truss built in 1928. Not the oldest around, but it's a lot more visually appealing than the flat concrete blights that have replaced most of these. Didn't crossing a river used to be an oxen-losing adventure? If you're going to conquer the landscape, give it some presence with girders, rivets, and steel like the good old days.


Ozark Bridge - Finley Creek

[Ozark Riverside Drive Bridge on Bridgehunter.com]

The single-wide truss over Finley Creek in Ozark, Missouri, has seen 100 years of service, and is still in regular use. It's a nice part of the setting at the Riverside Inn next door, which has served some of the best catered food I've ever had, shaming countless rubber banquet meals of functions past. The Ozark Mill bridge nearer town is also a classic, but the fried chicken is better if you drive a few miles further.


War Eagle Creek Bridge

[War Eagle Mill Bridge on Bridgehunter.com]

For years the War Eagle bridge has been the backdrop to everything from crafts fairs to Ferrari meets, and is a staple of Ozark tourism. The bridge is an airy steel truss with wooden deck dating to 1907, and sits next to the even older War Eagle Mill. The building has been a functional water-wheel mill for the better part of 200 years, old enough to have been burned down in the Civil War (the true litmus test of anything "historical" in the South). Unless you visit during the hellish craft fair season, it's a great drive from either direction, and picturesque without fail.


Bridges? Because they beat caulking your car shut and fording it the hard way.

[More photographs here]

Northwest Arkansas: the Original Jurassic Park

In years past, the Ozarks harbored great numbers of the finest roadside treasure of all: dinosaurs.

I remember the youthful awe of the animatronic Dinosaur Days 1986 exhibit at the refurbished University of Arkansas Museum, where the old men's gym was turned into a zoo of life-sized and mildly frightening robo-sauruses from Dinamation.

I also remember the joy of being driven through the Land of Kong fiberglass dinosaur park West of Eureka Springs, where the prehistoric reptiles were slightly less...animated.

[Land of Kong, a.k.a. Dinosaur World at Roadside America]


A sporty somethingasaurus from the Roadside Architecture page.

Even the Fun Land miniature golf course was in its prime by the 1980s, sporting dinosaurs right off College Avenue in Fayetteville. It was no coincidence that Spielberg adapted Jurassic Park to the big screen just a few years later.

Sadly, Dinosaur World closed, along with Fun Land and the University of Arkansas Museum. Fortunately, the dinosaurs live on. Someone put together an excellent gallery here:

[Dinosaurs of Arkansas]

Today I confirmed that the Fun Land T-rex and triceratops sit on a hill along US 412, just a few miles East of Springdale. A propane store in Huntsville adopted the gawky stegosaurus, snapped below:



But that's not all. Mountainburg City Park still maintains its herd right off old Highway 71. Big ups, Mountainburg. You keep the dream alive.

[Google Street View]

We've made living biological attractions so astounding that they'll capture the imagination of the entire planet.
- John Hammond, Jurassic Park