Craigslist in January

You need a fine set of wheels to travel the Ozarks, and Craigslist's great harvest never disappoints.

Maybe a rare drop-top roadster? Jay Leno shows us the vintage Honda SM600 looks and sounds great (no, seriously, watch the last 90 seconds). A few weeks ago I found one listed up the road in Aurora, MO. Only five grand, and just a hair's breadth away from Summer fun. Do they sell elbow grease in 55-gallon drums?

If you're a little more hairy-nipple'd, this '71 Jeepster is pretty cool. Uncommon find, and according to the original Jeep advert, "In town, this ruffian becomes a lady's man." Chicka-chicka bow-wow.



You know what's also sexy? Spelling your car's name rite. You'll pick up all kind of birds driving your one-off Porsche 924 Audubon Special. Audubon? Autobahn? Ozarkbahn?

But hey, you don't need an antique to get your thrills. 4th-gen F-bodies are plentiful and powerful, a tire-smokin' staple of the Ozark wilds. Am I doing a Ozarkbahn Craigslist Picture of the Month? If I were, here's your January winner, straight out of my native Fayetteville.


1993 Firebird Formula [mirrored here]

Most sellers would love to claim their vehicles were owned by an elderly bi-weekly grocery shopper with a habit for religious maintenance. Let's be honest, though. If you own a Firebird, it spent most of its life as shown in the picture: doing burnouts in front of the elementary school by your house. Don't hide it. The listing says the car "will need a paint job." A picture like this says it will also "need a torque converter, differential, and rear tires."

What now, y'all?

Driven: Arkansas 16

For enthusiasts of Ozark automotive culture, the area's beauty is also its burden. Most of the better roads are choked with plodding yokels, fiddle-farting bikers, and gawking tourists ferrying between one roadside trap and the next. Dense settlement and agriculture make it a little too hard to escape the mark of development upon the terrain.

That's why Arkansas 16 between St. Paul and Fallsville is undiscovered gold.

[Google Maps route]

The stretch connects points of little consequence, and offers little civilization in between. No stores, no gas stations. The route above is a solid 45 minutes of minimally spoiled Ozarkia. Just the basics: forests, hills, and valleys in one of the more jagged parts of the Boston Mountains.



Speaking of Boston, the Arkansas version is one signpost along the way. Like most of the drive, a polar opposite of Massachusetts version. Less than 9,000 people live in the whole of Newton County. Nice for peace of mind, but if you're in search of a party, there's not much more than a feeling to be found here, and hasn't been for a long time. Cool the engines until you're feelin' satisfied, and don't look back.



As a driver's road, it's not loaded with butt-puckering hairpins and car-swallowing ravines at pavement's edge. However, it's full of interaction from the regular changes in direction and elevation. The boon here is the light traffic and minimal lawful oversight. Set a brisk pace, and enjoy it.



Traffic: minimal, might be worse in warmer months
Driving challenge: moderate
Purty mouth: better not have one
Hippies: sometimes, but they might share
Ozarkbahn rating: Smokin'

Snapshot: Mountain Humor

Location: Ozark, Missouri
Miataplier: times gorgeous Fall day
Incredulity: exponential

Ozark Moderne

I'm a fan of modern design, and the Ozark Mountains hide a few gems among all the broken-down pickups and incest.



Huntsville, AR, has a couple of roadside attractions I really like. For one, this derelict, ruler-edged gas station on Main Street. Note the service bays, and pumps without card readers. Catch these rarities while you can. Downhome Auto Repair folded, but one hopes the next tenant keeps it up instead of levelling it.



[Google Street View]


Another sight is the international-flavored "Dennis" house just South of town. For rural North Arkansas, this is as modern as it gets. Minimalist, elevated, and shamelessly...brown. The Renault-esq Murano parked below (which now "imparts a modern art feel" per Nissan) is not a bad choice. Probably more practical in Winter than a Citroen DS, at least. And how about that Highway 23 address sign? Great touch. Bauhaus meets Hog Haus.



[Google Street View]


One more thing that caught my attention were these anachronisms. Payphones? Really? Add big blue bowl housings, and quaint becomes mod-cool next to Highway 7 in Jasper, AR.